Writing this blog has created some unexpected benefits. Originally, my objective was to share my experiences with other cancer survivors and to give encouragement to those who needed it. Maybe I've done that, I don't know. What I know is that I see myself more clearly. By recounting difficulties and fears that I have overcome I realize how how much I've grown, how strong I really am. Paralyzing anxiety attacks no longer hold me back. I'm not plagued with "what ifs." I have no control over "what ifs." Instead I can climb aboard my Sea-Doo and zip across the lake by myself, exploring coves and islands.
I don't pretend to be fearless but I have a much better handle on who I am. I enjoy my own company but I enjoy the company of others. Anyone I've asked who has recovered from a life threatening illness has told me the same thing. While you're sick it's about the fight. If you accomplish recovery all the little aggravations become what they really are, pimples on the butt of life. My experiences have taught me patience but I'm impatient with people who get stirred up over petty things. Save that energy for a real fight.
This blog has helped me work through some resentments and grief and fears that I didn't even know I had. I was defining myself as a cancer survivor instead of incorporating the survival into the bigger picture of who I am. I'm moving forward and picking up steam.
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