The Sky is Falling!

Cancer is SCARY. I don't care what kind you have or where it is. It scares everyone you know and everyone they know. This fact alone keeps people from getting help. It doesn't make sense but it does, you know what I mean? Like this, I knew I had a tumor in my neck but I was able to convince myself it was a pulled muscle. I was the only one who believed that. Everyone knew the truth but I wouldn't talk about it. This is where some smart ass tells you that denial is a river in Egypt. I would be furious if anyone suggested otherwise and believe me, they tried. This lump was big enough that it prevented me from turning my head to the left but I marched stubbornly forward, taking anti-inflammatory drugs and sticking to my story. Here's a note; Flexoril will not cure cancer.

It's embarrassing to share my stupidity this way but I need to make the point that my next 10 years might have been very different if I had faced my fears and been diagnosed in an earlier stage of the disease. We'll never know but you can believe that I keep my appointments and if one thing changes on my neck I'm looking for answers. Head and neck cancer usually has a high survival rate but if you don't get it treated that prognosis is seriously compromised.

My sister, who is as stubborn as I am, didn't give up. She made me an appointment with Dr. James Y. Suen at the Arkansas Cancer Research Center. He's the head of the head and neck department, director of the ACRC, a doctor to Bill Clinton and Steven Spielberg.

I had to be referred by an ENT first so I went to Dr. Hearnsberger. He performed a fine needle biopsy and informed me he would call me with the results. That's a call I won't forget. I was at work when he called. My telephone was red and I saw it as a symbol of the gravity of the situation. Dr. Hearnsberger, in a much too cheerful voice, announced "You have a malignant tumor in your neck and you need to see Dr. Suen at the med center." I think he talked some more but I couldn't hear him. I had to go home. I couldn't look at anyone or talk. I was numb and probably shouldn't have driven but I didn't think about that at the time. I just had to get home, home to Debbie who is my life partner, best friend, and rock. If I could get to her we could make sense of this dreadful news. She'd make it okay. On the bright side, I had the appointment with Dr. Suen that my wonderful and stubborn sister had made for me.